I Realized I Judge The Shit Out Of Women

Lexi D'Angelo



I wanted to take time today to talk about some things I don’t hear many other leaders mentioning inside of the industry: the sister wound, competition, and jealousy.

Big stuff.

We don’t go that deep into them, or at least the coaches I’ve worked with haven’t, and this is craziness.

You cannot have a business and facilitate a really supportive, engaged, loving community of women if you don’t actually take the time to heal this and deal with this yourself.

Some women inside my mastermind recently shared that the sacred space created inside my programs is unlike any other in that there is truly no competition. It’s all about community and supporting each other.

We’re real, honest, authentic, and we put our shit out there.

**We don’t hide.**

Whenever a woman is feeling down or behind, we talk it out instead of keeping it inside to let fester.

I’ve had a lot of experiences myself with comparisonitis and jealousy and competition, and so I’m very hypersensitive to how women inside of my group hold space for each other and how they’re getting along.

Since these are areas I pride myself in having done a lot of work in, I felt like I had fully “healed.”

Turns out….not so much

Recently, when my coach asked a group of us how affected we were by the sister wound and how much we truly judged women, I was shocked by my answer.

On a scale of 1-10 (1 being you judge the shit out of other women, 10 being you never judge other women), I wrote down a 2 for women I don’t know. (It’s a whole different story for women I love and trust.)

It’s honestly terrifying to share this.

This rocked me, it trulyyyy rocked me.

It made me feel so sick, so nauseous, that I had the worst stomachache for the rest of the night.

I realized, “OH SHIT! I still have this wounding about how I perceive other women in the world if I don’t know them. I need to dig deeper around this.”

This really caused me to look inwards more, because if I’m looking at someone and judging them or not trusting them or comparing myself against them, it’s not actually about them. It’s about me.

And like I said, I’ve done work around this already (like a lot), but it’s NOT linear, and it’s SO important to understand that.

Even though I’ve done the work, the issues have spiraled back around, which is what I want to focus on.

It can be sooooo frustrating…

I was sitting there like, “What the fuck? I’ve done this work before, I really consider myself loving and non-judgmental in so many ways,” but there was clearly another layer to go deeper into and spoiler alert—there ALWAYS is.

Now I want to flip this around to you…

Think about how the sister wound might affect you inside your business.

It’s a constant, continual practice, *no matter* how much you’ve looked at your shit and how much you evolve.

If you’ve ever felt like you’ve been struggling with something you’ve “been through” before, the truth is…it’s never over.

Self-improvement is a spiral, we have to go back to certain areas and work on them again.

We’re not going to be completely healed or become experts overnight. It takes a lot of work.

What’s my point? That we all have our shit.

Just because we’re leaders, doesn’t mean we don’t have our own insecurities and things to deal with. It’s important that we share and talk about this and most importantly, work on this.

I’m here doing deep work that’s not necessarily fun, but it’s so important to move forward, both to improve myself and to facilitate really powerful community and sisterhood for the women that show up inside my programs.

And what I’m learning from doing this deeper, darker work, I can continue to take to my clients and bring light to it, because yes, business strategies are great, but they’re not how you really grow.

The true transformation happens as you work on yourself and experience the evolution of your soul (as corny as that sounds).

New struggles are just more information brought to life that you can work with. Once you do, it will just help you step more fully into your power.

It’s important that we don’t deflect these issues and instead, show up for what we really need. It will allow us to have less judgement and more love for ourselves. Because when we make that room for ourselves, we’re also able to do the same for others. And together, we rise.



Lexi D'Angelo

Love + Spice,



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