Can we chat a bit about making friends as an adult? Specifically, a “spiritual” adult who wades in the “woo” and craves deep, meaningful friendships that feel like swoon-worthy soulmates.
I know this is something many currently do or have struggled with and I’m certainly not alone in that boat. And yet, it still feels kinda edgy and taboo to talk about because shouldn’t every have friends? Aren’t you a weirdo if you don’t?
Now, don’t get me wrong…I do have some incredible friendships and I am epically grateful for those. But many of the tight-knit relationships I have aren’t local to me anymore.
While moving to Bermuda was wild and wonderful in so many ways, I found myself getting lost in my business world for the first few years of living here and “not having time” to establish solid friendships. In fact, I convinced myself that I didn’t need ‘em and that “my people” weren’t here (SPOILER ALERT: I was wrong).
After all, I’m a dive-deep kinda gal. I love submerging myself into the magical, mysterious waters that few dare to go. Exploring existential meaning; navigating numinous notions; and leaning into liminal places and spaces of psyche and soul turns me ON.
But I’ve gotta admit that sometimes…even I get lost in it all.
While being committed to the journey of intimate self-exploration is life-enhancing in so many ways and can be a point of deep connection it can also be incredibly alienating.
I’ve found myself caught in the trap of believing if it’s not intricate, wildly complex, and poetically profound, it’s “not real.”
I’ve found myself labeling others as “not spiritual enough” because they don’t subscribe to certain practices or ways of life. As a result, I’ve created disconnection from people that I probably would really love and appreciate if I didn’t put them into a preconceived box.
And the more I label, the more I divide, and the more gaping the chasm becomes that separates me from others.
While in the past I’ve wanted to put it on the other and not me, it is totally me.
I recognize that I’ve created shields and barriers to protect me from the intimacy that is true friendship. Because creating those bonds and really letting people in is scary as fuck. Letting people past the shiny surface feels raw and risky. There’s no guarantee that people will appreciate what’s there and stick around.
But what is life without those kinds of friendships? And who am I to judge others so intensely when I’m desiring and asking for unconditional love myself?
I’m over trying to categorize who someone is and what they’re all about before giving them the opportunity to reveal their truth to me.
And I’ve realized that while yes, having swoon-worthy soul people who you can circle with in sacred ceremony; analyze natal charts/enneagram types/gene keys sequences with; and swap transformational techniques and tools to support each other in collapsing timelines is ahhhhmazing…
So is having an intimate circle of people who you can call at any hour of the day when life feels anything but sacred; or friends who will happily analyze the characters on Ginny & Georgia with you and giggle with you about the latest embarrassing thing that just happened; or a trusted group of local mamas who you can swap baby tricks, tips, and remedies with and drop by at any time when you feel like you’re gonna collapse from doing it all.
Neither is better. Both are important.
Maybe you find people who you can do all the above with. Or maybe you have your people for existential exploration and other people for baby blowouts.
Each relationship is one-of-a-kind and offers its own unique flavor. And if variety truly is the spice of life, then I clearly need to make room in my drawer for more spices.
I’m also realizing that the less expectation I put on things and people the more I am surprised and delighted.
And the more I’m present with the simplicities of “muggle life,” the more gifts I receive.
I’m learning that the everyday can be enchanting. The silly can be sacred. And the mundane can be magic.
It’s truly a choice and I’m intentionally choosing to cultivate more of what I desire and surrendering to “how” it shows up and “who” it shows up with.
So if you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain, or if you’re more into kombucha and soaking in the sunshine, it’s all the same.
Write to me and let’s hang.
PS — Did this just turn into a personal ad/poem for finding friends? Maybe. As I said, I’M STAYIN’ OPEN and am revealing my true, weird, romantic self. Mwuahaha.
And for those of you who are already my friend, this post won’t surprise you and you’ll just lol at Lex being Lex. And you already know I love you, but in case you happened to forget, I love you and I mean it. 🖤